Aside from traditional wedding customs, there exists a variety of strange customs in wedding in ethnic minorities in Thailand. Each following custom shows typical feature of each ethnic minority, which contribute to enriching Thai cultures. If you have chance to travel to Thailand, attending one of following weddings will be not a bad choice!

1.     Wife stealing of Alu people.

Several months before wedding, the engagement party takes place, in which bride and groom exchange tobaco and small jewelry.

After harvest, at night, the fiancé and his friends break into the bride’s house and take her away.  At that time, despite the feeling of happiness, the bride shouts out loud as if she is terribly frightened.

Actually, her parents know perfectly well what are happening to their children, but they prentend not to. When the girl is abducted, according to customs, her parents will inform authorities of it. Then, authorities along with the elders arrive at groom’s house so as to request for the case. Afterward, they value the girl and reach the final agreement.

According to traditional customs, although a ordinary girl costs 16 silver coins, two families argue for a while before the final decision. In their viewpoint, if they don’t do that, the groom’s family will go bankrupt.

Next morning, a lively wedding take place with attendance of the whole village.

Not only in Thailand, but also in Vietnam, wife stealing custom is also followed by H’mong ethnic. Despite similarities, there exists numerous differences between customs of two minirities. Let’s enjoy the following article and find out differences.

 It works like this: during the day, the young couple arranges to have a date in the forest, on the road or in a marketplace. In late afternoon, the young man asks some of their friends to go to the dating place where they will help him to drag his girlfriends to his house.

Although they love each other and promise to live with each other their whole lives, no girl will willingly step into her boyfriend’s house. That’s why the man has to organize “a stealing event” so she will come to live in his house. The more friends that participate in such an event and the more determinedly they pull the girl, the happier the couple will be, the longer they will live, the more children they will have and the richer they will be.

Like young couples everywhere, when a H’Mong couple fall in love, they will tell their families. If everything goes well, the man’s family will send a matchmaker to the girl’s family to talk about the affair. Then they will carry out engagement rituals and the wedding. The wedding is normally held in spring when the weather is mild and things reproduce.

However, many couples cannot get married because the girl’s parents do not agree with the wedding.

The “wife stealing or pulling” custom is an effective solution. On the designated day, the man meets his girlfriend in a particular place. Before that, he secretly asks his friends and relatives to go there and pull the girl to his house. Even though the girl is aware of the custom, she must still act surprised and cry out for help.

The girl believed to be bad if she does not cry out when being pulled. The two families and her neighbours will definitely look down on her. When her family runs to her rescue with sticks in their hands, the man’s friends will stand in between and receive all the beatings so the man can take the girl to his house. As a matter of custom, the man’s people are not allowed to fight back.

The stealing or pulling must be carried out skillfully so the girl’s legs do not touch the ground and she does not fight back or bite the man and most importantly, she does not get hurt. When they are near the man’s house, one of the man’s friends will run to his house first and tell waiting people there, such as the man’s parent, uncles or aunts, to prepare two chickens, one young male and one young female, to stand in the main door. When the girl arrives, they will carry out rituals involving the chicken. Only after that can be girl be brought inside the house.

The H’Mong people believe that once the girl has entered the man’s house after the chicken rituals, she will not be accepted back to her parents’ house. She is now a member the man’s family. When she dies, her spirit will also belong to that family.

Before treating those friends who have helped with the theft to food, the man’s family will send someone to go to the girl’s family and tell them that the man’s family has stolen their daughter and that she is now married. The girl’s family will agree even if the theft has happened without their consent.

When the girl has entered the man’s house, she will sleep with the man’s sisters for the first three nights. The next morning, the man’s family will make rice cakes and take the girl back to her parent’s house. When arriving at the girl’s house, her husband and his parents and relatives will kneel down in front of the girl’s family as a token of their friendship.

The girl’s family will cook a meal and invite the man’s family to stay and eat. At the meal, a representative of her family will ask her if she can spend the rest of her life with the man’s family. If the answer is positive, they will pack her personal belongings so she can take them to her husband’s house. Preparations for a wedding now begin. When returning to her parents’ house, if the girl cries and tells them that she does not want to return to the man’s house, then the marriage is cancelled.

That the girl lives in the man’s house for three days allows her to get used to the set-up in his family. During that period, if she likes it there, then the couple will officially become husband and wife.

2.            Ghost worship custom.

Before getting married, groom’s family has to prepare one pig ,  eight piglets, several chickens and wine bottles. The wedding lasts in 3 days. The first day is spent for preparation. The bride is invited to the groom’s house and cook rice with the aim of worshiping ghosts.

At that time, the groom makes a haunted house built by boy teenagers. It’s also the wedding room, spiritual ceremonies are conducted. Additionally, on this occassion, unmarried girls have chance to show their cooking skills by making pork and chicken dishes prepared by the bride’s family. After the ceremonies, foods are served immediately. People have to eat all of them and are not allowed to bring them back home.

Early in the second day, pork is given to the bride’s family and relatives so that they use it to entertain guests. To increase the intimacy, the groom and friends visit all the bride's relative family.

The third day, the bride carries an extra small pigs and a wine bottle to the bride. Like the previous day, the boys use meat and wine to treat girls and her relatives.

Moreover, the wife must follow all the husband family’s religions.

Weddings are expensive and sophisticated, but it's a compelling occasion for families and villagers to connect and relax. For young couples, they wish good luck, peace, happiness and lots of babies.

The engagement, thread and water pouring ceremony

  The engagement

Traditionally, the engagement is performed well in advance of the wedding, just as in western culture, but recently, it has become common for it to be carried out on the wedding day after Counting the Dowry.

The engagement is historically a way of introducing the bride to the groom, who has been selected by her parents and gives a chance for the couple to get acquainted before the wedding, but nowadays most couples choose their own partners.

Besides an exchange of rings, the groom also put the jewellery  from Sin Sod tray for the bride as well. The exchange is performed in front of the parents of both parties.

  Thread and water pouring ceremony

After Sin Sod ceremony is finished, the groom and the bride will get ready for water pouring ceremony.

The water pouring is the most important part of the Thai wedding ceremony as during this part the couple officially become husband (สามี [săa-mii]) and wife (ภรรยา [pan-rá-yaa]). Traditionally, this was all that was required to validate the marriage, but nowadays the couple are also required to obtain a marriage certificate (ทะเบียนสมรส [ta-bian som-rot]) from the Amper or local registration office.

Before the water pouring can take place the couple must seat themselves at the traditional water pouring tables (ตั่งรดน้ำ [Dtang Rot Naam]), with the bride to the left of the groom. They will each have a ceremonial headdress (มงคล [Mong Kol]) , made from one piece of cotton forming a circle and signify the joining of the couple, placed upon their heads.

Then senior members of the family or special guests of honor perform the anointing of the couple’s foreheads with three dots of white powder to represent the shape of a pyramid. Traditionally, this powder is made of dirt or clay, ground, and mixed with holy water and blessed by Buddhist monks. As with all of the ceremony’s traditional customs, the ritual is meant to bring good fortune to the couple.

The couple is ready to receive water pouring from the guests.

The couple will be fully prepared for the water pouring to commence once they place both hands (palms together), overhanging the water pouring table and positioned above flowers that have been arranged in a water tray, to capture the water that runs off.

Each of the elder guests in turn will take the ceremonial water pouring conch shell (สังข์รดน้ำ [Sang Rot Naam]), which has been freshly filled with holy water from the Buddhist ceremony, and pour a trickle of water from the base of the thumb to the fingertips over first the groom’s and then the bride.

Ministry gilded tray used in traditional ceremonies

Door ceremony and counting the Dowry

Door ceremony

In order for the wedding to continue, the groom must bring the bride from her room to join him for the engagement ceremony. However, before this can happen, the groom must successfully pass through a number of obstacles that are put in the groom’s way by the bride’s family. These symbolic “doors” can only be entered once the groom has proved his worth to the keepers of the “locks”.

Normally, there are just 3 of these symbolic “doors”, but there may be more. Typically there are gold and silver gates represented by gold or silver belts or necklaces which is held by two female members of the bride’s family or friends. These days the doors are also represented by flower strings. At my friend’s wedding, there were nine doors and they were represented by lovely orchid.

The groom can sometimes be questioned and is occasionally teased during this activity as the family light-heartedly determined whether he can pass through each “door”. His passage to the next “door will only be granted once a “toll” has been negotiated with the keeper of the “lock”.

We didn’t let the groom pass easily.

The toll for each subsequent “door” will increase as the groom successfully advances. I saw the doorkeepers of the few first gates got 100 Baht to open the door. I was the guard of the last door, so I accepted 1,000 Baht to let the groom passed.

Depending on circumstances it can either be the groom or his ‘Thao Gae” that hands over the money envelopes to the gate guardians.

This part of the wedding ceremony is the most ‘sanuk’ with plenty of laughter and frivolity most of which comes at the expense of the groom as he is teased and gently ribbed by the bride’s family.

  Counting the Dowry

Once the gates have been successfully negotiated, the groom can take the bride from her room to continue the next part of Thai wedding ceremony which is the dowry ceremony.

Thai marriage at large and definitely the ceremony of traditional Thai wedding interlinked with an ancient tradition called sinsod (สินสอด). A custom of paying a dowry (dowery) to compensate a family of bride “for mother’s milk”. A concept of sinsod was initially brought in to ensure that one’s daughter does not marry below her potential standing in life. To stipulate that her social, financial and professional status and reputation is preserved and secured.

Traditionally, a downry (สินสอด /sĭn-sàwd/) will be formally presented by the groom’s parents to the bride’s parents on the Kan Maak tray. This dowry will consist of money, gold, jewellery or title deed. The dowry is then counted out onto a red cloth by the bride’s parents. The amount of the dowry is usually predetermined which is intended to represent prospective wealth for the couple.

There is no set amount, the sum of sinsod is typically determined on the one hand by suitor’s perceived wealth, and on the other hand by the “value” of the future wife. Her beauty, personality, background, education and other qualifications, if she is a virgin, or has got a child, and so forth.

Nowadays, many parents-in-law hand the dowry back to the married couple as a wedding gift, some families do not require a dowry, and some need to keep the money. Traditionally, sinsod is reciprocated by the parents-in-law. More often than not, a part of the money is used to pay for the wedding ceremonies, parties and other related expenses. Dowries or sinsod payments range from THB 50,000 to 250,000 and up.

The bride’s parents gave some money for the couple as a gift to start their family.

Khan Maak Procession

* Engagement Tray (Khan Mak)

According to Thai customs, a couple traditionally becomes engaged during a ceremony known as “Kan Maak“ (ขันหมาก /kăn-màak/).  ขัน/kăn/ means ‘bowl’ and หมาก /màak/means ‘betel nut';  ‘Kan Mak’ means “bowl of betel nuts” .

Things to put in the Khan Mak tray may vary by culture in different regions. These items represent important aspects of the marriage, such as health, prosperity, fertility and longevity. Generally items in the Kan Maak tray are ;

11.  The young betel nuts (หมาก màak) 4 or 8 pieces

22.  Betel leaves (ใบพลู bai pluu)

33.  Silver bag (ถุงเงิน tŭng ngern) which contains money, usually coins

34.  Golden bag (ถุงทอง tŭng torng) which contains mung beans, popped rice, sesame seeds

45.  Meaningful flowers which commonly be;

- Calotropis gigantea (Crown flower) which in Thai is called ‘ดอกรัก dòrk rák’ ; ‘รัก rák’ means ‘love’

- Globe amaranth which in Thai is called ‘ดอกบานไม่รู้โรย dòrk baan mâi rúu roai’ ; the name means ‘always bloom’, so the couple’s love will always bloom.

– Marigold which in Thai is called ‘ ดอกดาวเรือง dòrk daao rueang’ , the name เรือง rueang sounds like the word ‘รุ่งเรือง rung rueang’ meaning ‘prosperous’.

The rings tray made of banana leaves, Calotropis gigantea flowers and Globe amaranth.

Culture Note: Why betel nuts and betel leaves?

In the old time, like Vietnam, Thai people liked to chew betel nuts and betel leaves. They were common items every household had and they were used to welcome the guests visiting the house. Therefore betel nuts and betel leaves are used as a gift to represent harmony in Thai wedding.

* Khan Maak Procession

 

When the time comes for this auspicious occasion, the proceeding begins with the arrival of the groom and his entourage at the front of the bride’s house.The procession is lead by the groom’s representative or “เถ้าแก่ Thao Gae”, and his parents, relative and friends also accompany him carrying flowers, incenses, candles and gifts.  The parade will be lead by drummers and traditional folk dancers, whose lively celebrations announce their arrival to all around.

The groom in Khan Maak procession. He looks very happy

Banana leaves and sugar canes are paraded like banners by some of the attendants, while others bear the traditional gifts of the Kan Maak, which includes rice, sesame seeds, Thai food for the feast and many Thai desserts, as well as monetary gifts and other precious items, such as gold and jewellery, which will make up the dowry to the bride’s parents later on in the ceremony.

Many of these gifts represent important aspects of the marriage, such as health, prosperity, fertility and longevity.

The groom’s Kan Maak tray

The Thai desserts to be eaten as part of the feast consists of nine different items. The number 9 is important in Thai society and it’s use on occasions such as this is regarded as very lucky.

The timing procession (ฤกษ์)  is also important, as it will have been calculated to occur at the most auspicious moment for the couple. It is also common for the lucky number 9 to figure in these calculations as well. My friend’s Khan Mak procession started at 09:09 a.m.

When the procession finally arrives at the Bride’s home they will be met by the bride’s family, who will invite the groom into the home to conduct the next part of the ceremony.

RULES OF THAI WEDDING ETIQUETTE

Here is several rules which you need to note when being invited to a wedding celebration. We collect from: http://a.northernthailand.com/thai-weddings/454-thai-wedding-etiquette20.html. I contend that they will be very useful to keep it in mind

1) It is not acceptable to wear Black to a wedding, period. So that little go anywhere black dress has finally found a place it is not allowed to go! It is because Black is the traditional colour for funerals. So you will be considered as offensive, to imply this is his or her funeral for marrying your best mate or co-worker.Same men for shirts, suits and slacks. 

2) Ladies I know back home the reverend may not mind the low cut tops in the congregation below him, however in the temple it is just considered classless. So guys if you wish to have any chance of tenure, be sure you or your girl dress appropriately at all temple ceremonies.

3) Sorry same but the short skirts! At the temple you will find that you are expected to be on the floor and sorry to say you may not have the finesse to sit on the floor and not have the panties show. Even the girls that have to work in the sex trade understand this and cover up to show due respect when they go to temple.

4) Please remember while on the floor (in Pain for many westerner) please do not point your feettowards the monk or even a Buddha statute.

5) It is not really allowed to stand above the monk while he is seated , even when taking photographs. For the ladies sorry it is a true no no too.

6) Remember it is not rude to place money in an envelope instead of a normal western wedding gift. It is of course your choice. But remember most young Thai couples have real needs that come before a toaster. So kind of think of it as a block party concept and you can ’t go wrong.

WEDDING INVITATIONS

Like in Vietnam, In Thailand, invitations are delivered to friends and relatives before about one week. 

In these invitations, each of the most important ceremony will be mentioned. As we know, Thai people are not reknowned for their punctuality, but in the wedding they will pay more attention to the time because their punctuality absolutely brings good fortune to the couple. 

The interesting thing  in the wedding is that the amount of guests is unpredictable. Everyone is whether the rich or the poor, the intimate or the strange can be invited and partake in. It is firmly believed that the more people they come, the happier the future life is. Therefore the list of guests are not essential here. 

Source:

http://learnthaiwithmod.com/2013/09/thai-tradition-wedding-ceremony/

CHOOSING THE WEDDING DATE

Marriage is one of the most important events in a person’s life, therefore, it is always paid much attention. 

To ensure a happy and prosperous marriage, wedding day should be celebrated at an auspicious time. While Viet Namese people have a fortune-teller choose the date, the Thai people often find the help of monks or astrologers. As for monks, they will depend on the birthdays and the time of birth of the couple.  It will be the day or the time which is not incompatible with their ages

 On the other hand, as for astrologers, they will observe lunar calendar and the harmony of the stars. It is believed that the day on which the stars are compatible is the best choice. 

Another thing is that the time also relates the number 9 such as 09.09 because 9 is the lucky number in Thailand. 

                                                                                                                   

                                                                                                                      

Source:

http://www.watdee.com/traditional-thai-wedding.html

http://learnthaiwithmod.com/2013/09/thai-tradition-wedding-ceremony/