Door ceremony and counting the Dowry

Door ceremony

In order for the wedding to continue, the groom must bring the bride from her room to join him for the engagement ceremony. However, before this can happen, the groom must successfully pass through a number of obstacles that are put in the groom’s way by the bride’s family. These symbolic “doors” can only be entered once the groom has proved his worth to the keepers of the “locks”.

Normally, there are just 3 of these symbolic “doors”, but there may be more. Typically there are gold and silver gates represented by gold or silver belts or necklaces which is held by two female members of the bride’s family or friends. These days the doors are also represented by flower strings. At my friend’s wedding, there were nine doors and they were represented by lovely orchid.

The groom can sometimes be questioned and is occasionally teased during this activity as the family light-heartedly determined whether he can pass through each “door”. His passage to the next “door will only be granted once a “toll” has been negotiated with the keeper of the “lock”.

We didn’t let the groom pass easily.

The toll for each subsequent “door” will increase as the groom successfully advances. I saw the doorkeepers of the few first gates got 100 Baht to open the door. I was the guard of the last door, so I accepted 1,000 Baht to let the groom passed.

Depending on circumstances it can either be the groom or his ‘Thao Gae” that hands over the money envelopes to the gate guardians.

This part of the wedding ceremony is the most ‘sanuk’ with plenty of laughter and frivolity most of which comes at the expense of the groom as he is teased and gently ribbed by the bride’s family.

  Counting the Dowry

Once the gates have been successfully negotiated, the groom can take the bride from her room to continue the next part of Thai wedding ceremony which is the dowry ceremony.

Thai marriage at large and definitely the ceremony of traditional Thai wedding interlinked with an ancient tradition called sinsod (สินสอด). A custom of paying a dowry (dowery) to compensate a family of bride “for mother’s milk”. A concept of sinsod was initially brought in to ensure that one’s daughter does not marry below her potential standing in life. To stipulate that her social, financial and professional status and reputation is preserved and secured.

Traditionally, a downry (สินสอด /sĭn-sàwd/) will be formally presented by the groom’s parents to the bride’s parents on the Kan Maak tray. This dowry will consist of money, gold, jewellery or title deed. The dowry is then counted out onto a red cloth by the bride’s parents. The amount of the dowry is usually predetermined which is intended to represent prospective wealth for the couple.

There is no set amount, the sum of sinsod is typically determined on the one hand by suitor’s perceived wealth, and on the other hand by the “value” of the future wife. Her beauty, personality, background, education and other qualifications, if she is a virgin, or has got a child, and so forth.

Nowadays, many parents-in-law hand the dowry back to the married couple as a wedding gift, some families do not require a dowry, and some need to keep the money. Traditionally, sinsod is reciprocated by the parents-in-law. More often than not, a part of the money is used to pay for the wedding ceremonies, parties and other related expenses. Dowries or sinsod payments range from THB 50,000 to 250,000 and up.

The bride’s parents gave some money for the couple as a gift to start their family.